Paternity leave taught me more than packing extra wet wipes

It’s day three of my enhanced six week paternity leave and I’m in the eye of the storm. Today it was my turn to pack all the bags required to leave the house and I’d made a critical error. Picture the scene, I’m on a packed London bus, baby Betsy in my arms and my three year old son Bertie sitting quietly and enjoying the ride – ‘super Dad’ heading to meet mummy after her business meeting. Then the words most parents dread when out of the house, “Daddy I need a Poo.” Cue much amusement amongst the bus passengers, then eyes on me to see how I dealt with this parenting challenge. Then a quick realisation that I didn’t have baby wipes, portable potty or a change of clothes, parenting 101 failure.

I will spare you the details of the rest of the story, but it involved a swift exit from the bus.

At LinkedIn we recently announced a change to our paternity leave, extending it to six weeks for new dads to spend time with the family. I was a little hesitant at first to take that much time out of work but felt it was an amazing and unique opportunity at this special time.

It was hard work. I mean much harder than anything I have ever done. I have a newfound respect for any parent taking on full time childcare, and increased admiration for anyone returning to work after some time away from it.

Those that do, should get a lot more credit.  I remember my wife, Sophie, returning to work, she is a professional food writer and broadcaster, self employed. So when the work comes, she has to take it. Her performance on BBC Radio 4’s The Kitchen Cabinet, in front of a live studio audience, whilst breast feeding seven week old Betsy in between takes, puts my forecast meeting into perspective. I’m constantly amazed by her ability to juggle the pressures of work and home life.

Beyond learning to carry wet wipes everywhere, my experience highlighted a number of valuable lessons, which I wanted to share. While these lessons can be equally applied to men or women, as we focus on the progress of women in the workplace and the large amount which still needs to be done this International Women’s Day, I thought they were particularly timely.

You need senior buy in

When I saw the new policy, my daughter had already been born but I was still eligible to take six weeks leave over Christmas. At first, I was nervous to suggest this to my boss and peers, I haven’t had this much time off since I went traveling around South America 15 years ago. How would it be perceived, especially as I have just taken on a new role internally?

When I mentioned it to Josh Graff, LinkedIn’s UK Country Manager, he didn't hesitate, “great idea, you should do it”.  That was it, no mention of cover plans, extra reporting, how will the business cope? Simply, make sure you switch your email off, we’ll call you if we need you…they didn’t. I can imagine that without this buy in, with the workload building up and the guilt factor setting in, it would have been a very different experience.

This buy in doesn’t only apply to extended periods of time off. On my UK Leadership team we have a rule: when someone is on holiday they turn off their email and switch off from work life. If anyone breaks this rule they are quickly told to go back to the sun lounger and stay off email. We all benefit from buying into this.

Coming back is hard

It took me time to get back up to speed after six weeks, so I can only imagine the experience after nine to 12 months. The pace of work, getting across the latest developments with our team, business results and key initiatives, all feel a bit alien at first.  

During my first EMEA Leadership meeting on the first day back, preparation for that took so much longer than normal, I felt anxious and out of step with the agenda and forecasting. This was immediately alleviated as the people around me were much more worried about welcoming me back and hearing about the experience.

The support of colleagues but also the company you work for is key to making this transition back into work manageable. At LinkedIn, we are very lucky to have a business which has a sense of belonging at its core. This means supporting individuals in different stages of their life to ensure they are happy and can manage their priorities. In Ireland, for example, we are piloting  a programme aimed at helping carers return to the workforce. Those taking part in the programme will also be offered additional training and ongoing mentoring to help the transition back to the workplace. This is just one example of the many ways forward thinking businesses are helping parents back into the workplace and I hope to see more of it across all sectors.

Switching off is good for business

The time away from work, while hard to switch off at first, not only allowed me to spend more time with my family but it enabled me to come back with a fresh perspective and renewed energy.

I realised how much I was missing out on at home but also how I wasn’t giving myself the time to switch off and think. This is when the dust settles and we all have our best ideas.

My paternity leave has sparked some new rules in my life. I want to be home early to have dinner, bath and bedtime with my family at least three times a week - planning my time better and setting expectations with colleagues and clients is key.

The other is during family time I am present and switch off from work (no phones) - putting the phone away when the kids are up is the hardest and is a work in progress.  I go offline until babies in bed, phone goes in the ‘phone bag’ when I get in the door. I’m back online later if needed.

Writing this post is the start of sparking the conversation to encourage flexible working. We value the collaboration and team spirit of coming to the office to work together but we want to create flexibility for everyone, not just parents.

I am fortunate to work for a company where the wellbeing of its employees is at the heart of our culture and it’s clear that it is also great for business. I’ll leave you with the wise words of Bertie, “put your phone away Daddy”; good advice from a three year old.