Fearless 12.18.23

Good morning, Fearless readers:

Are you ready for your workplace holiday party? Even if the party is over, save this list for next year to avoid making a festive faux pas. The bottom line: Workplace holiday parties are a professional event and should be treated as such.

In this week’s Fearless e-newsletter, you will find:

A guest column by Des Moines native Seeta Lee about combatting diet culture and fatphobia in 2024 and beyond. Don’t write your New Year’s resolutions until you read it.
A Leading Fearlessly column by Suzanna de Baca, president and CEO of Business Publications Corp., about providing and receiving constructive feedback.
In the headlines: Indianola mom of three Libby Rankin lost her daughter, Maddy, to childhood cancer. She is honoring her late daughter’s “beautiful spirit” and cancer battle with her new charcuterie company, Platters With Purpose. She donates the proceeds to Unravel Pediatric Cancer.
In case you missed it: As the Business Record celebrates its 40th birthday, enjoy 40 years of the top Iowa business headlines.
Lots more!

– Nicole Grundmeier, Business Record staff writer

New Year’s resolutions are hard to avoid. A change in the calendar brings a refreshing opportunity to say, “This is when I finally do the thing!” Sadly, diet culture, fatphobia and the wellness industries are all too aware of this urge to renew ourselves. They latch onto our hope with a barrage of advertisements, telling us to save $50 on new member fees at the gym or get a month free on that trendy diet that pretends it isn’t a diet.

While seasonal depression and winter weather may make January the most depressing month of the year, this deluge of external pressure to change ourselves and our bodies doesn’t help. That whole “new year, new you” thing is nonsense, and — to borrow a word from people way younger than me — it’s time we yeeted it.

The status quo of New Year’s resolutions is brutal to our mental health. Starting the year thinking, “I need to change who I am” isn’t just depressing, it’s also unattainable. So, what if we resolved to understand, hear and respect our bodies instead? I’m not suggesting fluffy body-positive platitudes that we forget as soon as we scroll by them on social media. If we’ve long struggled with body image issues, body positivity is as far off as the typical New Year’s resolutions. What I propose instead is a three-pronged approach using boundaries, body acceptance and self-compassion.

A major problem with learning to accept our bodies is what other people say. We’re coming out of “The Year of Ozempic.” If we were fat before Ozempic, we were urged to lose weight. If we lost weight, people speculated (with shame) that we used Ozempic. If we used Ozempic or similar pharmaceuticals to lose weight, we were taking “the easy way out.”

Yet absolutely none of that is anyone else’s business. Our body size does not determine our worth. Our medical information is private for a reason. And our bodies are not up for discussion.

In fact, that’s the New Year’s resolution we could set to protect our mental health. Any time someone asks us about our bodies, we can practice saying, “My body is not up for discussion.” If that feels too confrontational, we can opt to say things like, “That makes me uncomfortable,” “Let’s change the subject,” “My body size isn’t all that interesting,” and my personal favorite, “What an embarrassing thing to ask!” We can also resolve to practice awkward silence. We’re not obligated to respond to anyone talking about our bodies. When the inevitable comments in the work cafeteria about eating cake being bad come up, we can use the moment to reflect on why anyone ever thought eating cake was a reflection of our moral fiber. We can simply refuse to participate.

I’ll admit that us people pleasers struggle with boundaries, so if practicing that boundary isn’t feasible, we can learn to hear, understand and respect our bodies. Specifically, we might ask why we consistently feel tired at 2 p.m. every day or why we crave potato chips and party dip. (Blue lid forever. If you know, you know.) We might do mirror work in which we see our bodies as they are without the goal of making them look better, which is why we usually look in the mirror. Or we might resolve to name something about our bodies that we take for granted.

As a 45-year-old with aging and wonky knees, I wish I’d appreciated walking without pain before the pain ever started. It feels a little silly at first to say in my nightly journal that I’m grateful I can still walk, but when I understand the gravity of how suddenly the ability to walk could end, I feel a lot more respect for my legs and feet.

More than anything, though, is the need to strengthen the relationship between our mental health and our bodies. This is best done through self-compassion. Kristin Neff, the leading self-compassion expert, suggests a self-compassion break that we can turn into a three-part mantra. In it, we recognize something that causes us pain, be it mental or physical. Next, we contextualize said pain as part of our human experience. Lastly, we show ourselves compassion just as we might show a friend who is in pain.

Take, for example, those who struggle with chronic pain like fibromyalgia. Each day is dictated by how their bodies are feeling. When someone has a flare-up that lasts a few days or weeks, both their physical and mental health suffers. Beating themselves up mentally isn’t going to improve the situation or the pain. Thus, self-compassion — giving themselves grace and rest — eases the suffering. They might practice saying this: “I notice my body is in pain today. I’m struggling like so many other chronic pain sufferers. I’m going to give my body what feels best today.” Practicing this mindset and mantra is considerably more accessible than paying $150 a month to a fitness club each month.

Our bodies are not binaries. We don’t have to love or hate them. We don’t have to fix them or forget them. We aren’t broken or functioning. Gym membership sales and diet discounts aren’t going to transform us. Jan. 1 doesn’t require a drastic proclamation to become someone we aren’t. Rather, it’s an opportunity to learn about the bodies we’re already in and resolve to embrace what we’ve already got.

Des Moines native Seeta Lee is a writer, educator and speaker who encourages personal development by being a pain in society’s butt, aka being a professional contrarian. Formerly a college instructor and the founder/CEO of Whole Damn Woman, Seeta continues her work at seetalee.com. She’s devoted to drinking chai, cuddling stuffed penguins and watching Chicago baseball with her husband.

At a previous job, I supervised a talented leader who struggled to provide constructive feedback to her team members because she worried that pointing out performance issues would hurt her employees’ feelings. One day, I asked her how she would feel if she was doing something wrong at work and no one told her, but instead just kept being frustrated with her. She answered, “I’d be upset that they didn’t give me a chance to fix the problem and improve.” A lightbulb went on for her when she finally realized that giving feedback is actually a kind thing to do, and is necessary to help your team members learn and grow.

For women leaders, learning to give feedback can be complicated by social expectations with which many of us were raised. A Harvard Business Review article says, “Research shows that leaders who are women, much more than their male counterparts, are expected to be warm and nice (traditionally seen as female traits) as well as competent and tough (traits traditionally expected from men and leaders).” As the authors point out, this can be a difficult line to walk.

Fortunately, giving feedback – and receiving it – is a skill that can be learned and practiced. And as my former colleague finally realized, giving frank and honest feedback is critical to helping your team members succeed, and can be a gift when presented in a constructive manner.

I turned to several local leaders who have expertise in people leadership and asked them for advice on giving feedback.

Emily Abbas, executive vice president, chief consumer banking and marketing officer, Bankers Trust:

Giving constructive and effective feedback is one of the most important skills any leader needs in order to help develop employees to their fullest potential. Unfortunately, it can make some people uncomfortable. I’ve found getting comfortable starts with being in the right mindset, which is offering feedback as the gift it is, followed by being timely, specific, and sharing the impact of their actions. Here are some considerations for giving feedback:

Timeliness: Give the feedback as close to the situation or opportunity as possible. Don’t wait for a performance review or a regularly scheduled meeting. That way the team member is more likely to remember the circumstances and they can make the recommended adjustments as soon as possible and/or feel good about the recognition provided.
Specificity: Focus on details and specific examples of what the person did or did not do well. If the feedback is constructive, then this is also a good time to reinforce that you are giving them this feedback because you believe they can do better and want to improve.
Impact: Explain the impact of their actions – good or bad. While this may include impact on customers, other team members, or business, consider also sharing how it made you feel. They can’t disagree or argue with that. For example, “When you rolled your eyes in the meeting as we were walking out, it made me feel like you weren’t on board with the plan the rest of the team agreed upon, and I wondered if we can count on you to engage and do your best work.”

There are two sides to the feedback coin. When it comes to receiving, it may help to remember that leaders only take the time to give feedback to those they believe are an integral part of the team and worthy of their time and attention. Congratulations if that is you!

Start with the positive. Opening the conversation with what an employee is doing wrong can immediately put them on the defensive. Even when there’s an area they need to work on, there are always things they are doing well. So, start with the positive and then segue to what needs improvement.

Words matter. Vague compliments like “great job” and “good work” can sound meaningless, while using words like “wrong” and “poorly” to indicate where improvement is needed can make employees defensive or cause them to shut down. Instead of relying on adjectives, be specific. For example, “Your new marketing plan helped the team increase sales by 10% this month – great job” is more meaningful than “Great job this month,” just as, “Your budget projections are low this month,” is more helpful than “Your budget projections are wrong.”

Be part of the solution. Don’t simply state the areas that need improvement. Find out the reason for the issue and offer solutions. For example, if an employee is having problems meeting deadlines, perhaps they feel overwhelmed by too much work or deadlines that are too tight or they’re experiencing a personal issue that’s affecting their work. What can you do to help? Or better yet, what help does the employee want?

Don’t let problems build. Even an employee receptive to criticism can become defensive if given a laundry list of areas needing improvement. Don’t let problem areas accumulate and then deal with them in a single meeting. Instead, address one or two issues soon after they arise. Not only will this allow the employee to correct issues before annual review time, it will eliminate surprises.

Open communication is key. Whether giving feedback or offering solutions, it is important that the employee also participate in the conversation. Do they understand what needs improvement? Do they agree? Do they have feedback for you? And remember to schedule one-on-one meetings just to check in with employees or discuss new projects to help promote open communication all year long.

Women are often stereotyped as being more sensitive and less able to accept criticism. Society seems to judge us more harshly for our mistakes, and we have a hard time asking for help because we fear looking weak or incompetent. In the workplace, we don’t say what’s on our mind for fear we might miss out on that raise or get passed up for a promotion.

I stopped believing all that noise long ago. I’m a more conscious leader today — self-aware, responsible and curious — and opening myself up to receiving feedback (positive and negative) has been an important part of my personal growth and development.

Once I was able to accept and process feedback, I quickly realized what works for giving it, too. Some tips that have worked for me:

It starts with appreciation. Acknowledge a person’s positive qualities before focusing on their negative ones. Make sure they know that a bad thing doesn’t always cancel a good one.
Be specific and clear. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Explain what you saw and how it affected you or others around you.
Be positive and supportive. This is an opportunity for growth. Encourage their efforts, offer your support, and make suggestions for improvement.
Listen actively. When you’re finished, ask if they have questions or if they need clarification. Ask how they’re feeling. Listen first and respond when it’s appropriate.
End on a positive note. Reiterate your support and confidence in their abilities to make changes.
Above all, be respectful and empathetic. Show consideration for their feelings and avoid being judgmental or condescending. Think about how you would receive the feedback you’re giving.

Elizabeth Nigut, executive vice president, EMC Insurance Companies:

Effectively delivering feedback can be challenging for both the recipient and the person delivering. It is important for leaders and team members to develop an agreed-upon approach for delivering feedback. It’s helpful to have that existing framework to refer back to when the need arises. When it does, I first examine my own intent behind the feedback to ensure I am running a check on my assumptions and biases. I also recommend writing feedback down to help in that process, and to be thoughtful about aligning my intent with the anticipated impact on the recipient. It is important to have developed a trusting relationship with the person, as I want to make sure that our relationship remains intact and is strengthened by the ability to have an open conversation.

I have found it helpful to foster openness and reduce anxiety and defensiveness by expressing my intent behind the feedback, as well as letting them know I care about them as a person and their professional growth. I ask if they are open to receiving feedback and if the time is good. I want to balance providing timely and specific feedback with the potential that outside forces may be affecting their work.

After sharing, I ask open-ended questions such as what their thoughts are; what may be going on in their world; or how they are feeling, to allow them to process and respond so their experience and perspective is heard. I like to ensure clarity between the feedback that was delivered and what the recipient understands. Then, we can agree on any actions that should be taken, what resources may be needed or how I can help. I also ask for feedback on how I delivered the message and how I can improve. The goal is deepening the trusting relationship, learning and growing, creating accountability and providing support.

How unconscious bias in health care puts pregnant Black women at higher risk: (Trigger warning for mention of stillbirth.) Many Black women report feeling ignored or dismissed by doctors. The consequences can be deadly for mothers and babies, according to this story in the New York Times. Shakima Tozay was 37 years old and six months pregnant when a nurse, checking the fetal heart rate of the baby boy she was carrying, referred to him as “a hoodlum.” Tozay, a social worker, froze. She had just been hospitalized at Providence Regional Medical Center in Everett, Wash., with pre-eclampsia, a life-threatening complication of pregnancy, and she is Black. “A ‘hoodlum’?” she said. “Why would you call him that?” A doctor who came into the room downplayed the comment, saying the nurse was just kidding, but that only hurt Tozay more. Black women, who die of pregnancy-related complications at two to three times the rate of white women, say that remarks like these, often made when they are most vulnerable, reflect pervasive bias in the medical system. They report that medical staff don’t listen to them when they complain of symptoms, and dismiss or downplay their concerns. Despite consistently high blood pressure readings, Tozay was sent home from the hospital. The next morning, the fetus was not moving.

Indianola mom honors late daughter’s ‘beautiful spirit,’ cancer battle with charcuterie company: Maddy Snow brought charcuterie boxes to her childhood cancer treatments. “It was just something easy for her to eat and she knew, you know, what she would be able to handle for the day,” Snow’s mom, Libby Rankin, told the Des Moines Register. After Maddy died from a six-year battle with cancer in November 2020, Rankin launched Platters with Purpose, an Indianola-based charcuterie company and a nonprofit, the Mighty Maddy Foundation. In recent weeks, Indianola businesses and individuals have stepped up again, like they did during Maddy's battle, to support the foundation. “I knew that in order for me to keep going and in order for me to continue to be a mother for my children who are still here, I had to continue to live in a way that would still honor her as if she was still here,” Rankin said. Rankin uses portioned crackers, cookies, cheeses, cured meats and more to heal from the loss of Maddy. She donates the proceeds to Unravel Pediatric Cancer.

State says Woodbury County nursing home dumped rape survivor at homeless shelter: An Iowa nursing home resident was evicted and dumped at a homeless shelter after complaining that an employee of the home raped her, according to this Iowa Capital Dispatch story. State inspectors say a female resident of Correctionville Specialty Care complained in October that a male certified nurse aide had forced her to perform a sex act on him and had sent her a video of him pleasuring himself. The woman allegedly provided law enforcement officials with a copy of the video. The care facility retaliated against the woman, state inspectors allege, by evicting her from the home on short notice and then dumping her at a homeless shelter with no notice to the shelter and without her medical records. Despite the allegation of sexual abuse, the home’s corporate owners then failed to prevent the man from going to work in other Iowa care facilities they owned, placing him in close contact with other vulnerable, elderly Iowans, state inspectors allege. The company, Care Initiatives of West Des Moines, is also accused of retaliating against a worker who confronted the administrator about the need to report the alleged rape to authorities.

4 honorees receive Women Impacting Agriculture awards: Four honorees received the Women Impacting Agriculture award for their contributions to Iowa agriculture during Iowa State University Extension and Outreach’s seventh annual Iowa Women in Ag Leadership Conference on Nov. 30. The recipients were Kellie Blair, who operates Blair Farms with her husband and two children in Webster County; Joanne Roepke Bode, whose family operates the specialty crop business Bode’s Moonlight Gardens; Meredith Nunnikhoven, owner of Barnswallow Flowers, a sustainable fresh-cut flower farm in Mahaska County; and Melissa O’Rourke, who resides in Winneshiek County and recently retired from her position at Iowa State, where she served as a farm and agribusiness management specialist for 13 years. The Women Impacting Agriculture recognition honors Iowans who are creating a more sustainable state by improving economic resiliency and stability; conserving natural resources; and being influential agricultural leaders, family members and community volunteers, according to a press release.

In rural Iowa, an aging couple with diverging politics reflects on the past and what people owe one another in the present (Washington Post’s Deep Reads). Supreme court will hear challenge to abortion pill access (New York Times). Boys are struggling. It can take coaches, tutors and thousands a month to fix that. (Wall Street Journal). What the move back to the office means for women (Forbes). Did scientists just discover the source of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy? (the 19th). Des Moines police prepare women for police academy (WOI TV).

For the past 11 years, Dave Elbert has written the Business Record’s Elbert Files column. Before that he was a writer, editor and columnist for the Des Moines Register for 37 years covering local politics, business and culture. We asked Dave to highlight the key stories of the past 40 years.

The landscape of Des Moines business has changed dramatically in the 40 years since the Business Record began publishing.

Much has changed for the better, although there were a few stumbles. It took years to decide that neither a casino nor a rainforest would help revive downtown. Fortunately, neither ever happened. We did, however, build a transit mall on Walnut Street in the mistaken belief that it would encourage retail activity, only to discover that all it really did was speed the exit of workers from downtown at 5 o’clock.

But every time we tripped, we got up and moved on.

The results are everywhere you look today, in the architecture of downtown, as well as throughout the metro area, where the suburban population has more than tripled from just under 80,000 in 1980 to more than 275,000 in 2020.

Forty years ago, there were three tall (15-plus story) buildings downtown; today, there are eight from which you can view a world-class sculpture garden, beautiful riverfront and many entertainment venues, along with vibrant retail and housing.

To understand how far we’ve come, it helps to look back at our inaugural publication. Our first issue contained stories about 13% home mortgage rates, ambitious plans for downtown and Iowa’s first new governor in 14 years, 36-year-old Terry Branstad.

We didn’t pay much attention at the time to the fact that Iowa was perched on the leading edge of the 1980s Farm Crisis. Disaster struck a few months later with the force of a sledgehammer and continued to pound the Iowa economy with the relentlessness of a pile driver for most of the remainder of the decade.

Continue reading here.

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